Unconditional Unity

MyLife Essay Contest 2015

Imagine you are sitting at work, and suddenly, your co-worker sits right next to you. The person who makes you grit your teeth and seethe inside. Not the person whom you hold a grudge against, but the one whose flaws and negative traits glaringly stand out to you. So, you mutter clichés to yourself like “Love you fellow as yourself” and “Don’t do unto others what you don’t want done to you”; make some small talk; fumble your way through an excuse about paperwork, bosses, and deadlines; and turn your back and try to calm down. You breathe a sigh of relief and think all is good.

But, all is not good. Your day is ruined even before you started. This is a recurring scenario for you every single day. It is not pleasant to interact daily with a colleague that rubs you the wrong way and to have bad days at work because of this.  We all have the commandment to love a fellow Jew. And yes, it is very easy to love the Jews halfway across the globe; some might even help them without batting an eyelash. However, loving your fellow Jew also includes those you see every day. Even those who grate on your nerves.

When the Torah commands us about loving our fellow Jew, it says, “Love your fellow as yourself.” How can Hashem ask us to love someone else like we love ourselves? I am I, and not them, and I am not going to love someone the same way I love myself. Self-love is natural, similar to love for a parent or sibling, and love for another is a love we create, like love between a husband and a wife. How can we practically fulfill this mitzvah as a human being? It seems almost impossible.

In Tanya, Chapter 32, the Alter Rebbe, Reb Shneur Zalman, says that the only difference between one Jew and another is the body. Essentially everyone person is a soul; a piece of G-d. When one regards himself mainly as a soul temporarily dwelling in a body, rather than a body which happens to have a piece of G-d inside it, he is seeing the true being of each person. When he then views others the same way, Ahavas Yisroel can come naturally. Since every Jew has a Neshama, an actual piece of Hashem, we are essentially all the same because we all have the same core. So, when we love other Jews because of their Neshama, we are really having the natural self-love because we are all part of one.

The Tzemach Tzedek, Reb Menachem Mendel, the third Lubavitcher Rebbe, relayed a Chassidic discourse about this miztvah of loving a fellow Jew. He references a story from the Gemarah that happened to Rabbi Hillel. Someone approached him and asked that he be taught the entire Torah while standing on one foot. Rabbi Hillel responded as follows. “Don’t do unto others what you don’t want done to you. This is the entire Torah, the rest is commentary.” The Tzemach Tzedek asks a few questions about what Hillel said. First, why did Hillel rephrase the commandment in this way? Why not say in the positive, like it does in the Torah, “Do to others what you want done to you?”  And second, how is this even possible? How is keeping kosher or Shabbat part of the commandment “love your fellow Jew?”

Bring back to your imagination the co-worker that you don’t like. What is stopping you from having Ahavas Yisroel? Let’s say she is lazy, and that bugs you. Every time you see her reclining, asking others to go get things for her, or staring into space, you clench your fists in frustration. But, on the other hand, you are very disorganized. Your papers are all over the place, you have drawers stuffed with random things, and every space on the desk is covered. One day, your boss walks by, and mentions that your desk needs to be cleaned and reorganized. All of a sudden you are livid. Angry thoughts flow through your mind. “Why can’t my desk be messy? It’s my desk, why does it bother him? Who is he to tell me that my desk needs to be cleaned? Maybe I am just a messy person. I like to be this way and it is the best for me.”

How come the sight of your desk doesn’t bother you, but it bothers the boss? You know you are disorganized, and accept the fact and tolerate it. Why didn’t that happen to your supervisor? The difference is that your first, automatic, emotion you feel towards your-self is self-love. You cushioned that annoyance of your messiness and covered it with a layer of love. This applies to every flaw that one sees in oneself. But, everyone hates when others point out their flaws to them like the boss did to the messy worker. Everyone knows they have these flaws, yet they don’t get annoyed at themselves for pointing them out. But if another points them out- oy vey.

We have to look at others with the same love, acceptance, and tolerance that covers our own flaws and makes them acceptable to us. This is what Hillel meant when he said “don’t do unto others what you don’t want done to you”. He was referring to not being able to tolerate others negative traits. One does not have to be ignorant of these flaws, one can know about them, but one can’t be bothered like one’s own flaws don’t bother him.

The answer to our second question is as such: Rabbi Hillel was saying that the outcome or the result of having “ahavas Yisroel” has the same outcome as fulfilling the entire Torah. Since we were created as a reflection of G-d, what we do has an effect on the higher, more spiritual, cosmic worlds. When one does all the Mitzvos, he or she unites the feminine and the masculine parts of G-dliness that are separate. When one has true Ahavas Yisroel, he or she unites all the Jewish people together. When we are united in the physical world the effect is that the female and the male aspects of Hashem are untied. The outcome of this unification of G-dliness is Geula, redemption. As the seventh Lubavitcher Rebbe, Reb Menachem Mendel Schneerson, said many a time that loving a fellow Jew will bring Mashiach. This coming of Mashiach will happen if everyone unites with everyone; if everyone has Ahavas Yisroel.

So next time the co-worker walks in, remind yourself that she is part of you. You ARE loving her the same as you love yourself, because she is part of you. The same way you may not like the way your nose looks, and you are not going to just cut it off, you are not going to cut off your fellow Jews from yourself.  When her traits grate on your nerves, you can cover the flaws with love, acceptance, and tolerance. Your day will be a much more positive experience.