When a Vice is Truly a Virtue

MyLife Essay Contest

The idea of self-talk is a recurring theme in the middle chapters of the Tanya. There, the author wishes to tackle some emotional obstacles that may come up in one’s divine service, and advises self-talk as a prime method¹.

Often in our lives, we find that with little effort, feelings of hopelessness and despondency can be aroused within us. “There I go again,” “of course I messed up! It’s me we are dealing with!” Or, “Why’d I just do that?” are statements powerful enough to inspire disheartenment, if considered. Self-talk is evidently influential in the sphere of negativity. It  is more difficult to recognize that self-talk can also transform us from feeling melancholic to exhibiting joy, but the author of the Tanya believes it possible. In my experience, it can be accomplished with a bit of hard work, dedication and time.

While the general notion of self-talk is a topic worthy of discussion, this essay is going to address only a specific form of it: When we’re faced with feelings of inadequacy and have a less than ideal self-image, meditating that we were created by G-d the way we are, can provide relief and even empowerment.

Numerous reasons can be offered to explain feelings of incompetence that we experience; here, two will be considered:

• After performing an act we deem a result of our wayward personality, we berate ourselves, in the belief that we are at fault for our deficiencies. Feeling inadequate is a quick result.

• A general feeling of worthlessness; as if because of our person with its defects, we contribute nothing to society. We also maintain that our flaws are meaningless, and question G-d for creating us with them.

When we are convinced that others also view us through the prism of our shortcomings, our self-image becomes shattered even more.

Let us analyze the sources for a moment and encounter the unique light that Chassidus shines on this issue. In Tanya Chapter 31, the author, Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liadi, addresses one who is sad because of his distance from God.

He²  will then arrive at true joy… [By] say[ing] to his heart: “Indeed, without a doubt, I am far removed, utterly remote from G-d, and am despicable, contemptible and so on… But it was not I who created myself (in a manner that permits the divine soul to be exiled within the impurity of the body and animal soul).

Rabbi Shneur Zalman shows the student of the Tanya that he or she isn’t at fault for his or her condition; a conclusion certain to remove guilt and self-condemnation. If it is our personalities that lead us to certain behaviors, and G-d gave us these characteristics, we aren’t to blame.

The reader may ask, what of free choice? Could I not have chosen whether or not to work towards bettering myself? What of self-developed negative traits? This meditation can also turn into an excuse. If G-d created me thus, why change?

The answer to this query, as well as the solution to the second way of thinking enumerated above, will come to light as we continue analyzing the Tanya’s text in chapter 31:

“Why then has God done such a thing: to cause [the divine soul,] a part of his light… to descend into [the body]? Surely, this descent must be for the sake of a subsequent ascent. That is, to elevate to G-d the entire animal soul… and also its ‘garments’ of thought, speech and action, by means of involving them in the action, speech and thought of the Torah.”

Here, the student learns that the very factor he or she considered a deficiency is really an advantage. His or her animal soul -the flaw discussed in Tanya- is to be used, in its imperfection, to serve G-d.

This implies two things:

1. Not only does our existence have meaning and purpose, but the very thing we deem a blemish is really an An example of this is, turning arrogance into confidence. [Admittedly, there are irredeemable weaknesses. Then, the solution would be to serve G-d despite them.]
2. That this purpose is to serve G-d, (despite or) by using this

Now we can properly address the question asked above. Once we focus our lives on G-d, a setback doesn’t hold us down. What is demanded of us at present is to use all our functions in His service regardless of whether the incident that just occurred was an offense on our part or not. We messed up, and it might’ve been our fault, but now let us leave go and move on to the next divine mission. This approach precludes the possibility of excusing ourselves; our divine calling is ever present, and sometimes demands that we go beyond our natural inclinations.

The above conclusions (meditated upon at times of distress) lead us to accept ourselves for who we are. We were created this way, and for a purpose. Let us therefore be mission oriented by using the strengths and even the apparent weaknesses we have, to act G-dly³.

I mentioned previously the detrimental effects that thinking that others see us for our faults, has. A healthy self-image uproots this issue from the core. When others dislike us, it is not our personality that is the problem per se, but the negative way we see ourselves. The  verse (Proverbs 27:19) states, “As water mirrors the face to the face, so does the heart of man to man.” Other people view us in a fashion that reflects how we perceive ourselves. When we accept ourselves, others will begin accepting us too.

Summary

Our personalities are endowed to us by the Almighty and we aren’t to blame for them. This meditation eliminates loss of self-worth that results from self-condemnation. There is meaning to our infirmities: that we use them in G-d’s service (in addition to a general G-d oriented attitude). This meditation tells us that we have self-worth. These lend to a healthier self-image and allows others to view us positively.

Footnotes:

1. See primarily chapters 26 through 34.

2. Translation is based on Lessons in Tanya, book 1 pgs. 411, 418-420

3. A general term that is beyond the scope of this essay. A general application of this idea can be found in the second quote from Tanya above: To elevate to G-d the entire animal soul… and also its ‘garments’ of thought, speech and action, by means of involving them in the action, speech and thought of the Torah.